Emergency Questions: 1001 conversation-savers for any situation

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Laugh if you must but I honestly believe that if the global media pumped out more joyful and celebratory sounds, stories and what have you to the largest audience imaginable, then it might, y’know, help a bit.

Robert Pershing Wadlow was an incredibly tall American who briefly became a celebrity in the 1930s purely on account of his height. To a humble biblical family like the Christs, wouldn’t that have been the equivalent of a roll-over lottery win? Do you think it would be cheating if I had sex with you when you were being the robot in Passengers ? Of the four friends you chose to be in your Spice Girls band, and who you’ve given funny names, how many do you think would have chosen you to be in their Spice Girls band?Meanwhile for more upbeat if still baffled thoughts on modern dating and how they changed the rules without telling us – and how you can’t make compilation tapes to impress someone any more – head here. If your genitals had to be replaced by the face of one of the Muppets – the face would be able to interact and communicate in exactly the same way as the puppet – which puppet face would replace your genitals?

Would you rather have the ability to produce honey from your stomach or be able to make a pearl in your gallbladder/kidney every ten years? Would you rather have pubic hair made from unremovable barbed wire, or be attacked by a rabid badger in your sleep once a week? You can’t change your initial decision, even if in later years you start to resemble someone else or if you are much too old to be the person you chose. If you had the ability to be a virtuoso on any instrument without practising, what instrument would you choose?Perhaps if Michael Parkinson had asked Mohammad Ali if he'd ever seen a Bigfoot he might be remembered as a great interviewer. And it’s the same age as you, because if you’re going to clone something it would be a baby first and that would make this an inappropriate question. If you found out that it was actually made out of wasp urine, and always had been, would it still be your favourite and would you carry on drinking it? Would you rather have real-life VAR (the controversial Video Assistant Referee used in football matches) […] or only be able to earn a living as a look-alike of someone famous? What do you think of the decision made by Jeffrey Katzenberg of Disney Studios to cut the song When Love is Gone from the theatrical release of A Muppet Christmas Carol ?

What would you rather have named after you: the public toilet in the centre of your town or an embarrassing disease? I’m about as resolute a sceptic as you’re liable to, well, encounter, so the answer is unsurprisingly no. Ben Evans: Archie Vandervlett: Are you excited to know there is going to be a better Godzilla film than the one you were in? If you could go into the transportation chamber from The Fly with a living creature of your choice, which creature would you like to be melded with?e., you could smell any environment from the past or future, but not something specific; you would – your sense of smell would travel in time, but nothing else would) or have a free pineapple delivered to your door every day for the rest of your life (and that will be delivered at 7:00am wherever you are in the world and the people won’t wake you up; it will just be left outside your door), but there will be a fresh pineapple waiting for you wherever you are? The Diatonic has a single row that you can essentially blow into and make a halfway melodic sound which is relatively in tune.